The Emerald Isle & Walking The Tantric Path
A little bit of back story… It was suggested to me a little while ago that I venture across the ocean to our neighbours to share my work further afield and to “test the market”. The two people who made the invite believed it could be an effective way to finally break the back of debt I have carried over from my years of being a single-mum to a child who needed extra support, and years of investing in the development of my skills. I was warned I might have to work slightly differently but that it could be lucrative, plus these people valued my experience and heart and wanted the energy of my offerings to bring healing over there.
At first I resisted, in fact, I resisted for over a year; and then I felt a sudden “Yes”. I won’t lie, the imagining of extra income added some juiciness to the “Yes” and yet, I knew that money wasn’t really the core of the call. By the time I was putting a plan of action together to get myself over there I knew for sure, I couldn’t put money at the centre of this, something else was bubbling away.
I have come to understand how my Soul pulls me towards experiences, and my way of recognising it’s voice. More often than not if I am being called in a certain direction from this place of Soul, my personality doesn’t want to go. I had this same response to attending Level 2 Kundalini Yoga teacher training; to immersing myself in all 4 of the ISTA experiences (International School of Temple Arts); to anything headed up by Bruce Lyon, especially the 6 week immersion at Highden in New Zealand. In all of these experiences I “know” I need to be there, I don’t know why exactly, and I don’t want the hassle or expense of making it happen BUT the knowing is clear.
So I usually test the knowing by throwing the gauntlet down and make a declaration to the universe and whomever is willing to hear me. “I will go if getting there is made easy, if the support to do so comes to me without hassle, then I will go”. And so it was for Ireland - I made the declaration, I made a request for financial investors to make it possible, and I sat back (funnily enough on this occasion I fully expected for there to be no support and therefore to be let off the hook!). But no, the support rushed in which was so delightful and affirming, I was tearful with gratitude. And maybe a few tears of “I don’t wanna go!” too.
Discernment & Truth
Take of your own MEDICINE!
I took myself into the yoga space and sang medicine song, beat my drum to raise the power, released tears and danced out frustration. Then in silence I found clarity. I wasn’t here to see clients and take my work to Ireland, I was there to do some clearing and healing of personal and cultural trauma. The work would be competed by the full moon on the 12th and the very act of boarding the ferry on that day would be the final piece of the work. To make this choice meant not only letting go of the bookings that had been made and therefore losing any profit, but also making a financial loss. It meant letting a friend down as I wouldn’t be around to take care of her dog whilst she worked. It meant paying more for a different ferry crossing and also going back to the UK early which felt a little bit like cutting a holiday short.
BUT it also meant that the tension in my mind, body and emotion was instantly brought to peace. It meant I found joyfulness in being exactly where I was; it meant I found deep fulfilment and a sense of the sacred in gently, slowly and attentively responding to every impulse in each moment that would ultimately deepen my understanding of the trauma/wounds that had been part of my family’s history; and to let go of it on behalf of me, my family and all displaced peoples.
I spent time by the lake, walking in woodland, in contemplation and stillness. I loved and nurtured the little canine being Nico who was also in my care whilst I was there. I took to my sheepskin for Kundalini Yoga, communed with Tarot, cried out explosive nuggets of grief, allowed Eros to cleanse and empower me, and performed fire rituals. And then on the 12th, on the brightest and most beautiful day of my visit, I drove through the countryside of my Great Grandparent’s homeland smiling from ear to ear. I boarded the ferry in Dublin feeling just wonderful as I allowed the significance of the moment sink/sync in. Unlike my family who had been forced from their land through desperation and in fear, I made the choice to leave out of desire and knowing.
I would risk a guess that this is true for all of us, the courage and gifts of our ancestors support our lives now. I do hope it is true for you. Happy homecoming to you in each and every moment,
in each and every place you find yourself.
Courage of the clan