With each breath we can experience and receive the energies of each season, whilst simultaneously paying particular attention to the season we are in. If the pause before the inhale is winter, spring follows with the inward breath. Summer is the pause at the top of the breath (where we take a moment to bask in the sunshine), and autumn, the season of letting go is mirrored by our outward breath.

Below is a very simple breathing practice offered to you with the prayer that as you allow the pause that follows the exhale to lengthen, you gain a beautiful experience of dropping any and all resistance to the pause that is being offered to you by nature right now. May you find your way to lean into the stillness, to find peace and surrender, and to trust that the inhale will be beautifully timed and more than enough.


THE PRACTICE
Take a little time to set your space up so you feel warm, comfortable, and more able to dedicate this time to and for you. You might choose to light candles, burn a little white sage or otherwise mark this time/space as something other than the rest of the day.

Find a piece of music that has a steady rhythm and supports you in turning your attention inwards in a gentle loving way (I've linked a couple of my favourites here but it really can be anything that you find soothing).

Make sure you are sitting in a position that allows you to be both relaxed in the body, yet upright with good posture. If you need to lie down or rest your back on a chair that's fine too. Comfort and a posture that allows you to breathe as flowingly as is possible for you is key.

To begin with simply become aware of your breath, no need to change anything just yet. Watch with open-hearted curiosity as if you are taking in the vision of the most wondrous magical moment ever (which you kind of are!). As you watch, feel how your breath and body dance together, both moving in response to one another.

After a minute or two begin to allow or invite the breath to deepen so that each inhale feels like it is filling you... All the way down and into your pelvic bowl. All the way up to base of the throat. And outwards in all directions opening your back, belly and ribcage. Feel the pause that happens naturally at the end of the inhale; then allow the breath to leave your body with ease, no forcing or pushing, let it be a passive emptying. Then notice the pause at the end of the exhale.

Stay with this for another two or three minutes, your breath is flowing in through the nose and gently, slowly, filling the whole torso. There is a pause... and then the breath gently and slowly leaves the body through the nose OR through relaxed lips that are very slightly parted (not pursed). Then there is THE pause, the Pause Before The Inhale.

I then started my journey with ISTA (the International School of Temple Arts) and a RAGE within  was unleashed; as I tapped into the raw power of my sexual energy I felt a fury towards all of the men in my life who had done their utmost to keep me away from that power - my dad was a key figure with his Catholic conditioning and an understandable if somewhat ineffective desire to “keep me safe”. Instead he very effectively inserted a steel bar between me and my ability to use my root and sacral/sexual power to protect myself.

I was fortunate to have great mentors who guided me in not unleashing this rage on any of the men, but rather to begin the work of processing, integrating and developing a deeper understanding. The rage was re-directed for while towards the patriarchy, no-longer seen as personal, but still part of the universal truth of the greater gender power divide; the same divide that was expressed on a large scale through the #metoo movement, founded in 2006 but claiming the full attention of the world in 2017. ​

It would be easy to judge myself as being a drama-queen and making such a huge thing out of something that in the end, was so simple. But the simplicity belies the journey. Not just my own journey independently, but the journey shared with my dad, which has been unfolding slowly into something so precious. Just as with a rose, thorns and spikes sometimes being protectors of parts as of yet too tender to share.

Since the passing of my mum over 11yrs ago, our relationship has been transforming. He has been growing alongside me, learning to share himself and his vulnerability with others including me and his granddaughter. Once upon a time only my mum would be welcome into his space to this extent, and now he is more able to allow himself to be seen by others too; he may never express it as candidly as I choose to. But this sharing is actually an honouring of him and our joint journey from two bumbling, clumsy, sometimes arrogant and opinionated, often times fear-ridden and anxious, childlike beings… into two adults meeting each other in open conversation, mutual respect and a willingness to keep on showing more of our delicate petals to one another. ​

I was born into a wonderful family, I have been loved and cared for every step of the way, I have never truly needed to fear the harshness of poverty. Even in my struggles I have known that a home with parents, or my brother, or my cousin, would always be offered to me and my daughter should we need it. Not that any live in huge mansions or have gold dripping from their fingertips, just that they would do what they could to ensure our safety and well being, as I would theirs.

The only exception to the “no fear” has been an ongoing inner child fear of being abandoned by my dad. As a child I had recurring nightmares of both of my parents getting into the car in the middle of the night and driving away. I would wake to the sound of the engine starting, run downstairs in my nightie and out onto the drive, into the street and call to them “STOP, STOP! Please come back, where are you going?”. As I helplessly watched the car drive down the hill and out of view I knew they were leaving forever, I knew that it was my dad’s decision and my mum was going with him because her love for him trumped her love for me and my brother. In the dream my brother would appear on the driveway, woke by the commotion, and I would be sobbing, inconsolable and barely coherent as I told him “They’ve left us! They’re not coming back” He would just shrug, turn his back and say “Come on”… and lead me back indoors. I would wake crying. ​

In my twenties, as part of the Spiritual Healing training I was taking part in, I received past-life regression. I had very clear images and memories of a life in which, as a girl-child, I was of no use to my dad (interestingly I was in the same family unit, including same grandmother, aunt and cousin); I was sent to a priestess temple to be raised by family members who were elders in the sisterhood. It wasn’t a bad life at all… until the temple was razed to the grounds by the same legion my father was a Commander of. It wasn’t a cohort under his direct command that carried out the assault, but his choices in his “career” had very much contributed to the movement which was now busying itself with the destruction of all feminine-wisdom traditions.

From my teenage years all the way through to now, I have chosen a path that has confused, sometimes embarrassed and definitely worried my family. Both my choices in relationships AND in career has been a cause for concern. Moving through some painful, abusive, and self-esteem-thwarting relationships my parents have watched on, sometimes in literal horror; while I have soaked up the opportunities for growth, and seen each person as a master teacher in their particular field. I have always trusted in the unseen bigger picture and it’s steady unfolding. I was an aromatherapist 30yrs ago in the days when it was still seen as witch-craft and spoken of with derision; I was a massage therapist and holistic therapist and discovered if I was to offer those words as answers to the question “what do you do?” I was often met with a blank look and a cold shoulder, or some lewd comment inferring sexual services. Add angel therapy and crystals to the mix and it starts to become quite the chortle, something for others to poke fun at. My dad avoided embarrassment, not by standing in my corner and saying “Amanda is very skilled in the healing arts”; but by introducing me as his “daughter who is a physiotherapist”. To this day many of our mutual friends and associates believe I’m a physio! ​

The Four Friendly Anchors as I'm light-heartedly choosing to call them are really and simply our innate psycho-emotional-maintenance system that we all of us move through one way or another - either skilfully or messily. Yet sometimes it helps to lay these processes out in a clear form, that way we can remember and choose with intention to step into the process each time we feel pulled off centre or find ourselves in a stress-response to life. Please note, this isn't a linear process, 1 to 2 to 3 to 4; but something far more fluid, intuitive and organic, so while I lay it out in stages for ease of writing, let your experience be something far more flowing than this.

Acknowledge
In order to keep it real we need to take a look at what is going on; in the world, in our lives, in our own body-mind and feelings. Of course, with major global events brought to us through the media, we are never going to know what is being represented accurately and what is misinformation or manipulation, so as we acknowledge all that we are seeing, we need to recognise that some of it may not be "real". And yet our inner responses to anything we see are very real for us and these inner responses are what need to be acknowledged. So take a moment to turn those seeing eyes inwards, quietly sit and draw your attention within. Acknowledge the quality and content of your thoughts; how your physical body feels, where are you tight, where are you experiencing pain or discomfort; what emotions are with you; can your feel any eros flowing, any tingles of energy? Are there tears, growls, yells wanting to be sounded?

Express
We need to give ourselves permission to express our thoughts and feelings, in the expression lies the power to release and transform. So take a moment now to sense what your preferred forms of expression are. Do you like to talk it out with friends or a therapist/coach? Do you prefer writing and what style - creative, poetry or journaling? Do you sculpt, paint, dance, drum, sing?




Release
Release may happen before, during or after Expression, so feel into what is true for you. For me there are two parts to release, or perhaps two flavours. One is cathartic release, the emptying out of pent up emotion which once released leaves me feeling so much lighter, relaxed and liberated. It is important to have your inner observer or inner parent with you if you enter catharsis on your own, a part of you that can call time and gently hold you and draw you up for air. It also supports you in ensuring that you don't cause yourself, your environment or anyone else any harm as you tantrum yourself to freedom. I find drumming and/or breathwork greatly supports me in entering this kind of release - what works for you?

The second flavour of release is the simple, gentle yet complete decision to let go. To smile at all you have acknowledged and expressed and choose to soften, unclench the metaphoric (or actual) fists and drop all that is not serving you. Easy for some, and easier for all of us after adequate time spent acknowledging and expressing.






​Elevate 
Finally as you move through the other three of the four friendly anchors (of sanity!) you will feel the organic happening of elevation. We can create a false elevation by bypassing the other three phases and using positive thinking or blatant, stubborn action to disregard our feelings and force ourselves into a lower-level happier state. This might be known to you as "pull yourself together and get on with it" - it works for short to mid-term, but often keeps one trapped in an energy that is more aligned with resignation than with the bliss of true elevation. At best this approach will help one to survive life in a numbed out kind of way; at worst it could lead into emotional, mental or physical illness/breakdown.

When we move into elevation as a natural effect of taking care of ourselves by moving through the stages of acknowledging, expressing and releasing; we engage a delightful sense of buoyancy as we tend to whatever else we need to tend to in life. This form of elevation is what enables us to "be the light", we are centred in Self and radiate calm clarity as a gift for all.




​Rinse & Repeat
A final note that this is not a one-time event. Life spans out across the years, there is change and challenge every step of the way, marvellous and terrible opportunities for growth and richness at every turn. So it serves us very well to enter this process on a regular basis. To begin with we may find ourselves clearing years of baggage, touching on the yet to be met woundings of the past; in time we catch up with ourselves and can keep ourselves clear by doing some version of the above frequently if not daily (or moment by moment). The struggles and challenges of life will forever be part of the earthly human experience (well, until they are not!), yet we don't have to suffer them. Taking things seriously whilst holding all lightly, we can be with the challenges, grow through them, evolve, and as we disentangle ourselves from our own suffering, we can play a vital part in easing the suffering of others too. Sat Nam.

Prepare and Tune In
Set the scene by lighting a candle and making yourself comfortable either crossed legged on a cushion on the floor; or sitting in a chair with both feet on the floor. Either way feel your weight balanced equally on the sit bones, and invite there to be length both in the front line of the body, and in the length of the spine. Head resting at the top of the spine in a very light lock (collar bone reaching upwards, chin slightly dropped to lengthen the neck).

Take your hands into prayer position, resting the base of the thumbs against the chest at the level of the heart. Enjoy two or three long full breaths to fully land in the body and in the moment. Sing/sound the mantra "Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo" three times over to align with your inner teacher and the lineage of teachers who have kept this wisdom alive through the ages. (Video to the right will support you if you have never done this before)







​The Practice
Arms are relaxed down yet elbows straight, and the back of each wrist is resting on each knee. If sitting in a chair allow the thighs to be comfortably wide so that the arms and therefore chest are open.

Hands are in Gyan Mudra (tips of thumb and first finger touching - see image in right column)
Your eyes are looking down at the tip of the nose and are one tenth open.

Listen to Satkirin Kaur Khalsa's recording of the mantra and sing along. In this version there is a break in the mantra and a bridge about 5 minutes in, we will use that as a turning point.

For the first half of the recording sing along with the mantra while you allow yourself to be with all that worries you and challenges you. Personal and global events and situations, all you perceive as being wrong and a source of suffering. Acknowledge what is happening for you and be open to receive any insights as to how you might later like to express yourself. Releasing is likely to happen at this stage also, especially if you have been holding onto emotions, so give yourself permission for any tears to fall and any other emotions to make themselves known.

Invite that the musical bridge serves as a turning point and as the second half of the mantra begins, sing along, this time using your imagination and heartfelt emotion to dream into view a more perfected world and life.

Your eyes are now closed yet turned upwards looking towards the third eye area of the forehead. 

Allow the mantra to support you in the gentle simple 'flavour' of release and let it all go. Be open to beginning to feel yourself being elevated into positivity. 

There is another musical bridge at 10mins which we can use to support the intention towards elevation. SMILE!

In the final 30 seconds or so of the mantra be purely focused on love, compassion, forgiveness and a vision of a world in which we all belong and all thrive (ALL including all our relations - plant, rock, animal, soil, water)




Tune Out
Complete the practice by taking the hands once more into prayer at the chest and singing/sounding the mantra "SAT NAM"
3 three times - a long Saaaaaaat, and short Nam. 

If you would like a fuller completion the video to the right will guide you to close with "The Long Time Sun" blessing.



Express
Recall those insights around expression and should it still feel relevant, take up a pen, a paint brush, a recording device or whatever your preferred form is and bless yourself and the world by expressing your truth. Sat Nam. 

NB An alternative to experiment with:
​If you can share this practice with another, it is supremely powerful and heart-opening to sit opposite one another and eye-gaze throughout the whole of it. To share your vulnerability as emotions move through you and witness one another without judgement as you move from your small and personal self towards your elevated Self - Wow! Nothing quite like it.

If you are practicing solo you can eye-gaze with yourself using a mirror; or using an image of a teacher/guru/ascended master/archetype that you feel drawn to.

I woke gently on the morning of Friday 13th here in the UK and before even opening my eyes I “felt” a curious noiseless noise; it was reminiscent of the eerie silence following a huge explosion, or perhaps the quiet pause at the turning of a tide right before the force of a tsunami makes itself known. I wasn’t feeling personally invested in the outcome of the election, and I don’t feel pulled into any extreme emotions in response, yet in the early hours of a cold December morning this is the energy that seemed to  surround me - the silence of shock.

I have avoided being on social media much since then, but I have seen a few comments from those who had pinned their hopes on a change in government; despondency, dismay, despair, rage, heart-break, grief, confusion have all been expressed, and little bit of gloating, relief, optimism, and joy also in the mix from those happy with the outcome.

For my own part, I am with a sense of wonder, I find my lips curving into a smile - not because I believe the government are now in a stronger position to do better for us all; but because I feel this is all part of the dissolution of what has been, and an opportunity therefore for each of us to choose to be the best that we can be within our personal lives and beyond as we move forward. ​In yogic terms we are still in the Kali Yuga (dark ages) and will be for many years to come, chaos will continue, so how can we BE with all of this?

With this clarity in place (and yes, I’m aware the above is a huge simplification of something far more complex, but bear with me if you feel to)… with this clarity in place I can let go of false hope and get on with creating and making choices in life.  This isn’t about feeling repressed or being a mug, this is about claiming back any energy I had sent out in the form of hope, and claiming back the power that those hopes had inadvertently taken from me.  When we say “I hope…” we are actually saying “I don’t believe I have the power, (but I can hope)”.  It is a little bit like saying “I’ll try” as opposed to simply committing to doing or being whatever it is that is being asked of us, or saying “no” to it.

No matter which political party you align with, no matter which way you voted or how you feel about Boris being PM, we are all of us still swimming in a sea of uncertainty. So how can we take good care of one another in the midst of this? Well it begins with calling your full power back home to your core, remembering that whilst you may not be in the position to re-write government bills and ensure the policies that matter to you are funded; you DO have choice as to how to spend your own time, energy and money. You have choice as to who you hang out with and what and who to make your priorities in your life. You can choose to enquire… “How does love want to move through me today”, and then allow love to guide your actions. ​

I set off on the 29th of October, the day after the New Moon I now realise; and intended to return to the UK on the 19th of November. A friend had put some adverts out for me and I had plenty of interest. Unfortunately most of that interest was from men who were really seeking escort services so I turned down perhaps 90% of enquiries. From the moment of getting there I could sense a discomfort in response to the thought of seeing clients. But believing I was there to work I agreed to see three people over the first weekend. The first was a clear message, letting me know I really needed to up my game of discernment as my boundaries were pushed time and time again in session. It almost turned me off doing any further work but after a re-empowering chat with a colleague and a day of meditation and kundalini yoga, I came back to centre and was ready to go again. The second two clients were lovely to work with, they were both more accustomed to receiving escort work but were respectful of boundaries AND made themselves available to receive something new. There were tears shared as hearts were touched and they each allowed themselves to be penetrated by love. The sessions felt fulfilling and impactful in all of the right ways and yet afterwards I still felt a strong discomfort.

I moved locations and landed at the venue where I had imagined I would offer the bulk of my work. It had a beautiful small and cosy yoga studio perfect for Tantra, Yoga and Sacred Sexuality work; a lovely corner bath perfect for bathing rituals and pamper time. Yet still, an ever growing tension was settling in my body, my mind was spacey and scattered, my emotions were all over the place. I had by now received some bookings from people experienced in true Tantra who seemed to really understand the level I was working at - but even this didn’t calm me. So, I had to contemplate other reasons for me being in Ireland and what I really wanted/needed from the experience as opposed to what I had imagined I wanted/needed. Living the Tantric path really asks this of anyone on this journey “What is your Truth in THIS moment”. ​

It was dark by the time we reached the harbour in Holyhead, and as I drove across Wales and back into England the most beautiful Full Moon lit up the night sky. I took many a deep inhale and sighed out in pure joy. I am home. I am here. ​I have landed.

​Wherever my feet walk, under whichever sky, the fire of my ancestor's homeland burns bright in my heart. Their courage is with me, their love pours through me and their songs are forever sung.